Independent on Sunday -21 June 1998

The Life Doctor

By Eleanor Bailey

Shui? Schwing!

More excitement in the celebrity world, Boy George, Yoko Ono, Barry Manilow and long list of unmentionably famous clients are seeing 74-year-old Takashi Yoshikawo, king of feng shui astrology and author of “The Ki – How to make your dreams come true with fengshui.” You know, of course, the furntiture-shuffling feng shui? Well, this is it’s ten times more complcited elder brother. The Ki has nine energies and three cycles, all changing at different times, and 108 ki and brithdate-related personality types which can be used to predict the future.

How ridiculous. Obviously, celebrities need something to occupy them while the rest of us are working, queueing and filling in forms, but for normal people it’s all tosh. Clearing up  your environment is bound to make you feelmore cheerful, but that is all there is to feng shui. “Seventy per cent of feng shui is commonsense,” agrees Jon Sandifer, chairman of the feng shui society, whose new book “Feng Shui” comes out in September. “Thirty per cent is fine tuning.” The fine turning is what the consultant provides – at £300 per session – in the case of Mr Yoshikawa.

I say you can do it for yourself. Sara, 30, has a piece of yellow matterial tht hangs in an east (health) window and is vivid yet slightly transparent, so that it is startingly bright even on cloudy days. “There was something about the colour that spoke to me. It said ‘Live, wake up!’” says Sara. “Lots of people commented on it. Yet it was just a remnant from Habitat.” Sara is an instinctive feng shuist, which is why she spotted the magic material in what the rest of us would have dismissed as a pile of dirty remnants. We can all do this. You don’t need numbers, crystals, logarithms and fortune wheels. Here’s how to feng-shui-it-yourself.:

Space is calming. Clutter and mess is confusing. That explains why my grandmother was so grumpy. Her house was a shrine to paper bags and Catholic artefacts.

Water is relaxing and life-enhancing. But where and how you have it is indeed crucial. Right: tranquil pond in garden. Wrong: tap dripping in sink.

Plants cheer you up. Computers don’t look very nice. Solution – put a plant near your computer.

Bright colours are energising. Dull colours are more relaxing. Bright colours will up your yang, so wear yellow when you are feeling down. Have a bright bathroom, a muted bedroom and always have your hangovers on cloudy days.

Balance your yin and yang. Einstein said it: for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. So don’t get overexcited or too mellow. To experience pleasure you must have known pain. Don’t eat too much chocolate without balancing it with some vegetables. If you spend too long partying you will feel tired afterwards.

Keep the middle of your room clear. The feng shui explanation is that this will clear your life. “People say their lives are stuck,” says Jon Sandifer, “and surprise, surprise, there is a mountain of stuff in the middle of their house.” At the very best it will be easier to walk across the room.

Don’t sleep with your head under an open window. Maybe your energy will escape in the night, but for certain, if it rains you will get wet.

You will be more wealthy if your finances aren’t in a complete mess.

Crystals. Big in feng shui, annoying in life. Who wants to feel like they’re living in a New Age shop? Put relevant postcards in the right places instead.

Once you start thinking this way, it happens automatically. You don’t need to read magazines on the subject. What do these people know about where to put your bookshelves? I was feeling awfully pleased with myself. Three thousand years of Chinese philosophy trashed! Then I spoke to Mr Yoshikawa. Then I came a-cropper. From just my Ki number (3,4,4) he gave a completely accurate description of my character. Even down to describing me as “Alice in Wonderland”. He didn’t know that Alice has always been my role model. My screen saver is “Curiouser and curiouser” and Alice’s philosophical position is entirely in accord with my own. He had my bad points, my good points, everything. He must have been talking to my mother. Worse. Jon Sandifer advised my (6,8,3) friend that he felt sick every morning because north south was the worst health direction for him to sleep in. How we laughed when he moved it. How we fumed when he started feeling better the very next morning. So I’ve changed my mind. It’s all entirely true. The Ki is the key. Feng shui is for me. Crystals. I love ‘em. Sign me up immediately. £300 an hour. Bargain!